“Leadership is like art, cooking and golf. You can never perfect it. You can only ever improve”.
So the old adage goes.
But you can close the gaps and be better placed for success. Limit the trial and error.
And as a leader, everyone’s looking to you. So if you’re ineffective, so is your team. They also lose confidence in you. As a leader, you’re always being watched.
Research and consultant group, Gallup, conducted a meta-analysis of 1.2m employees across 22,000 business units. They found team leaders account for at least 70% of the variance in team engagement. I’ll say that again, seven 'o' percent.
Get a team more engaged and they are more productive and have a lower turnover rate.
But you feel you're doing the right thing, so what's going wrong?
1. Empathy’s stopping you leading
You’ve given your team everything. You feel they all deserve it. They’re good people. You’re always there for them.
And that’s the problem.
You can't lead effectively if you don't have time to care for yourself.
You have to leave them to it sometimes. Let go. Be selfish even. Don’t let empathy drag you down.
And how will Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy help? I’ll teach you to relax. There’s only so much you can do. You’re not a hand holder: you’re their leader. Let’s see it for what it is.
2. You say “yes” too much
Saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else and vice versa.
Remember you have limited resources. Use them wisely. Stay focused, efficient and avoid burnout. You can't do it all yourself. Being a pleaser of you can keep an eye on your team, or they get more work dumped on them.
In other words, you need to be very mindful of your decisions. This is why clarity is so important. With clear goals and purpose, you only say yes to things that support those goals and purpose.
And how will Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy help? If people-pleasing is your default position. Almost a panic to please before you have to live with the consequences, let’s look at calming things down. Retraining your brain to relax as soon as a request appears and getting you to think what’s the best thing to do - not the most pleasing.
3. Fixing things for my team when I shouldn’t
Again a control issue. You need to let your team learn and make their own mistakes.
So long as there are boundaries, there’s not much that can happen that can’t be repaired.
Your team also has to learn to think like you, not need hand-holding.
And giving your team a chance gives you some time back. Let go.
And how will Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy help? You’ll learn how to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Don’t micromanage. Don’t even think about it. Enjoy managing yourself whilst your team cracks on.
4. No conflict, no accountability, no clarity
I can’t say this enough. Leadership isn’t a popularity contest. It’s nice to be liked. Respected is better. Way better.
That’s why you need to set clear goals and timelines and be crystal clear on this.
Never think: “I won’t be overbearing. They’ll succeed. I’ll just give them another week.” Then another week. Another.
Being clear, setting well-defined goals and milestones makes people accountable for achieving them. It’s their responsibility.
And you only get involved when things fall outside those clearly stated boundaries.
Your team need to clearly know what success looks like.
And how will Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy help? We can work on making you make your team feel uncomfortable. Being pushed. It’s called work because sometimes it’s hard work. More specifically we can work on your assertiveness (standing up for yourself in a calm and positive way, without being either aggressive, or passively accepting - you get your point across without upsetting others, or becoming upset yourself) and relaxing, so you confidently believe in your leadership.
One of my key sayings is that, “We Are What We Tell Ourselves.” And calmly telling ourselves how to lead is a kindness to ourselves and it also shows to others.
Your team has heightened radar and all you need to do is pass on calmness and clarity. The rest takes care of itself.
You may have started out with the best of intentions for others, but always ALWAYS make sure your leadership includes kindness to yourself. Stop putting yourself out and risk even burning yourself out.
Hello I’m James Thomas, a Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist
I use Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy as a way of coaching leaders.
I believe that when you’re calm you:
- make better decisions
- find it easier to think your way out of problems
- create a sense of calm for your team: you set the example and lead by being calm
How?
We take a look at your self-talk, your patterns of behaviour and your default positions. Then through various techniques - hypnosis being a key one - I teach you to be calm and be a better version of yourself.
This is my corporate ‘pitch’.
My company is called The Gentle Mind. Why? Because I believe that when we’re calm we’re a better version of ourselves.
You can see me in Leeds, York, Lincoln, or Louth.
